Say What?

It's not very often that I laugh when I hear about a new reality TV show. The premises of shows have become either completely ridiculous (Amish in the City!!!) or incredibly repetitive (I hear Octo-mom is getting a show to go along with all the other ones about families with tons of kids), but a series that is about to start filming isn't one where the idea is out there, but rather...well, here's the basis:

A pro athlete will challenge other pro athletes in their respective sports. He will take on Ben Roethlisberger in some sort of a football challenge, Michael Phelps in swimming, Oscar de la Hoya in boxing, Albert Pujols in baseball, Serena Williams in tennis, Misty May-Trenor and Kerri Walsh in beach volley ball, and is hoping to book Lance Armstrong in cycling when the Tour de France is finished.

This is actually something I've wanted to see for quite a while. Sure I'd prefer whole teams going at each other in different sports, but this would have done quite nicely. The star of the series says that he came up with the idea and figure fans "would really want to see an athlete play another sport." Indeed I would. I would love to see a Lebron James, a Ladanian Tomlinson, a Derek Jeter, a Tiger Woods, a Lance Armstrong, or some elite athlete switch sports for a bit (though the Michael Jordan experiment was an utter disaster). Unfortunately, that's not what we get here. We get Shaquille O'neal. Yup, we get all 7'1" of him. And all 325 pounds of him. Yes, it's okay to laugh as the mental pictures start flooding your mind. Yes, Shaq is (or at least was) an elite basketball player. But for his size and his ability to use it. He may be extremely athletic relative to his size, but... a 7'1" body doesn't cut through water at all like Phelps does. And the thought of him trying to hustle back and forth from one side of the tennis court to the other as Serena Williams calmly places the ball on alternate sidelines is quite amusing.

While Shaq concedes that he isn't very skilled at tennis or baseball (a home run derby), he says he expects to exceed at football and swimming. At swimming? Versus Michael Phelps? Suddenly, Chad Ocho Cinco's claim that he could beat Michael Phelps doesn't sound quite so outlandish.

Where the real catch comes in is that O'neal and his rival will negotiate a handicap. No kidding. And it gets even better with Shaq's quote, "Bragging rights is always better than any monetary prize" in response to the fact that there won't be a cash prize to the winner of the event.

I find the bigger question to be, how could anyone find any reason to brag about winning this event? What are they supposed to say?

"I, Michael Phelps, Olympic record holder and double digit gold medal possessor beat a 325 pound 7 footer who is over ten years my elder in a swimming race?"

"I, Albert Pujols, one of the best sluggers in the major leagues, hit more home runs than a 7'1" NBA center who's hand/eye coordination was only good enough to hit a little over half his free throw attempts?"

And with adequate handicaps figured in, how is Shaq supposed to brag?

"I, Shaquille O'neal, beat Serena Williams in a tennis match despite each game starting at 'game point-love' in my favor?"

"I, Shaquille O'neal, beat Lance Armstrong in a cycling race despite the fact that I started at the top of the hill and raced down, and he started at the bottom and raced up?"

I don't know, perhaps I'm misunderestimating the big fellow's athletic prowess. But I do know the handicaps will have to be significant (though probably not quite to the extreme of those mentioned above). Sure, handicaps can be fun in order to level the playing field, but I don't see how any bragging rights can come from winning a handicapped event.

Now don't get me wrong, the show will be plenty entertaining, no doubt (though I doubt I'll ever see any of it). I just have a hunch that "Shaq VS" will be funny for the same reason as, say, tryouts for American Idol are funny.