Tribute to John Madden

Several weeks ago, longtime football broadcaster John Madden announced his retirement. As many of you know, Madden has long been the punchline of many of my jokes, however, today I've had a change of heart. So, here is my tribute to John Madden. My tribute to some of his incredible feats and accomplishments.

-Congratulations, John Madden, for your perseverance at trying to master the broadcast etch-a-sketch. We all know how difficult and confusing it is to use it. It wasn't your fault you were always drawing circles around the wrong players, that machine has a mind of its own. Yet you never showed hesitation while trying to show us how the slot receiver ran a crossing route...er...the outside receiver came across the middle to make the catch. We never would have been able understand what had happened on the previous play without all those yellow scribbles.

-Congratulations, John Madden, on being probably the only person with your level of fame, to NOT show up first on a youtube search of your name. What's the title of the first video? "Frank Caliendo." Go figure, such a titanic household name, yet you don't actually show up until 5th in the previously mentioned search. That's what I call impressive!

-Congratulations, John Madden, on providing building blocks for the country's greatest impersonator/comedian. Frank Caliendo is now known for being able to pull off a convincing impression of pretty much anyone famous, but it all started with his famous, "Now if the quarterback, throws the ball, an-an-and the receiver catches it, in the end zone, well that's gonna be a touchdown!" Frank Caliendo has made so many people laugh so many times, and just think, you helped start it!

-Congratulations, John Madden, on being one of the few people who could see a steak being prepared in a stadium and see it as an opportunity to make fun of vegetables. I'm sure you remember going off on a tangent about how green beans aren't good when a shot showed a Pittsburgh vendor piling sauteed onions on a large slab of meat.

-Congratulations, John Madden, for making so much out of so little. All the other people in the broadcast biz can formulate sentences better than you can, can find informative pieces of information better than you can, can speak more clearly than you can, and can analyze games better than you can, yet you still got your voice all over prime time games AND the biggest NFL video game. You are a testament to beating the odds and overcoming disabilities.

-Finally, congratulations, John Madden, for picking the perfect time to retire. You left your spot in NBC's Sunday Night Football broadcast booth just before a season in which you would have done three Eagles games. If I would have had to listen to you announce three of my team's games the same season, within six weeks none the less, yours truly just might have gone crazy.

Happy, retirement, John. You will not be forgotten.